


Just Sit Right There

by monkiainen



Category: The Hobbit (Jackson Movies)
Genre: Amnesia, F/M, Friendship, Gen, Genderswap, Pre-Relationship, always-a-girl-kili
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-01-04
Updated: 2014-01-04
Packaged: 2018-01-07 10:35:38
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,374
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/1118882
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/monkiainen/pseuds/monkiainen
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Kili looks back to her childhood.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Just Sit Right There

**Author's Note:**

  * For [Iavalir](https://archiveofourown.org/users/Iavalir/gifts).



> Written for iavalir for Secret Santa @ lotr_sesa

Kíli doesn’t remember much from her childhood. It could have been that she genuinely didn’t remember, as sometimes your brain doesn’t start forming permanent memories until you are a dwardling a decade old. Or it could be the combination of fear, shame _(of Dís, not hers)_ and poverty that made her unable to remember her childhood the way Fíli described it had been.

There are times when Kíli wishes she could remember more, so she could share the tales of her **more** youthful adventures with the Company. _(for she is still a child, mere 77 years of age compared to the more experienced warriors like Dwalin who is nearly a century older than she is)_. When everyone else is laughing around the campfire after Dori has shared yet another misadventure of his law-breaking younger brother, Kíli just smiles silently, hoping that no one will ask her of her childhood memories. For she doesn’t want to face the sure humiliation that is to come if she can’t remember a thing from her earlier years. She is of a royal family, and remembering your past is the only way to ensure the line stays unbroken for centuries to come.

In the midst of their boisterous _(for that’s what it is, despite Thorin’s stony glares he keeps on throwing to the Company)_ celebration for simply being alive, nobody pays too much attention to Kíli’s darker mood. It is a well-known fact that despite their outgoing and sometimes mischievous appearances, the niece and nephew of Thorin are essentially the two sides of a coin. Fíli is the summer, as fair as the sun and often the one to lighten up the somber mood with his antics. Kíli is the winter, sometimes dark and brooding and bitter, but yet dexterous and more than able to fight alongside her brother. There have been those who had strongly opposed of the fact of the precious Princess of the Durin line joining such a dangerous quest – for female dwarves are rare, and seldom seen in the heats of the battle. They were subtly reminded of the great female combatant Higý who had fought gloriously alongside her brothers Jiý and Kiý in the great battle of Nulukkizdîn. After that, nobody questioned Kilí’s choice to join the quest to reclaim Erebor back.

Bofur watched closely the young princess, sitting silently among her companions. There was something surreptitious in the way Kilí held herself tonight – almost as if she was ashamed of something. The joyous toymaker couldn’t imagine why a member of the Durin family would feel ashamed, for they were noble through and through. Kilí may have never seen The Lonely Mountain in her life, but it didn’t make her less royalty than her uncle.

Still, something was amiss and Bofur was determined to find out what it was. The only problem was that Bofur couldn’t just march next to Kilí and make a straight-forward question. There were certain rules and traditions to follow, even in exile, and simple toymakers were never in a position to demand answers from the members of the Royal line. No, this needed to be done discreetly and with utmost care. Now, discreet wasn’t usually the word connected to Bofur – bluntness and honesty were Bofur’s way of dealing things. But for Kilí and Kilí alone Bofur was willing to change his manner of approach.

The night went on until the merry companion of 13 dwarves, a hobbit and a wizard were in the brink of exhaustion. With a less than heated glare from Thorin, the weary travelers made their way to each of their own sleeping positions, apart from Balin who took the first watch. Soon, their modest campsite was filled with snoring and sniffles when sleep took over everyone – apart from Kilí and Bofur.

Bofur pretended to be sleeping soundly next to Bifur, when he saw Kilí making her way silently to the nearby trees. It took Bofur only a moment to make up his mind, and soon he was following Kilí into the woods. Full moon was casting its silvery light, smothering the grim shadows into ethereal atmosphere. 

After walking quite some distance from their campsite Kilí stopped into a small opening, looking for a place to sit down. She needed some time for herself, as the raucous evening had been emotionally more challenging than she could have anticipated. Kilí kept on searching, finally spotting a stump at the edge of the opening. That would have to do, although a sturdy rock would have been a more preferable choice for a dwarf. Once reaching the stump, Kilí sat down, burying her face into her hands. Oh, if she wasn’t of Durin’s Folk then her disability of not being to remember her childhood wouldn’t be such a burden!

Meanwhile Bofur had been building up his courage, and was now ready to approach the young warrior. Either everything was going work out just fine, or he would fail spectacularly. Given Bofur’s track record of discretion, the latter was a more plausible outcome. Still, Bofur hadn’t live this long for being a coward, thus he advanced to Kilí’s position. 

Kilí’s head snapped up when she heard the sounds of footsteps approaching her. When she saw Bofur coming closer, she relaxed her stance unconsciously. Bofur was one of the most easy-going dwarves of the Companion, and was probably not going to question Kilí too hard as to what was up with her. Kilí really didn’t feel like talking about her inner turmoil, not at least until she got her jumbled emotions in order.

“Look, I understand the need of privacy now and then, but…. well, I guess I just wanted to let you know that whatever it is that’s bothering you, I’m all ears. I may not always act accordingly, but I can assure you, Kilí, that your discomfort has not gone been unnoticed”, Bofur addressed the younger dwarf.

Kilí was silent for so long it made Bofur afraid that he had somehow inadvertently affronted her. Not good, not good at all. If Thorin would find out that a simple toymaker had insulted his precious niece, Bofur might soon find out his head separated from his body.

“Bofur, I appreciate your concern, I really do. It’s just that… it’s a sore subject to me. I don’t expect you to understand, for it’s strongly tied into what family I’ve been born rather than who I am. I needed some time to myself, because….” Kilí trailed off in loss of words. What else could she possibly say to Bofur without giving away her shameful secret? It was better to work things out herself, it was useful to bother anyone else.

“I understand. I will leave you to think things over, then. Just don’t go any farther, I doubt Thorin would be happy to learn that you’ve gotten a new habit of wandering ‘round in the woods”, Bofur stated. If Kilí wasn’t ready to talk about whatever was on her mind, Bofur was not going to be the one to pressure her into talking. Better let her come to him when she felt like it.

Bofur turned, starting to make his way back to the campsite. Kilí watched Bofur leaving, with a strange emptiness in her chest.

“Bofur, wait!”

Bofur stopped, turning to face Kilí once more. There was something _vulnerable_ in the way the young princess was holding herself, almost as if she was afraid of getting turned down. 

“If it pleases you, I… I would like you to stay, Bofur. Please.”

Bofur didn’t need any other encouragement, for even before Kilí had finished her sentence Bofur was already on his way back to her. The moment Bofur reached the stump Kilí was sitting on, he knew he had made the right decision. The wave of relief emanating from the younger dwarf was nearly palpable. Without a word, Bofur took a seat next to Kilí and they remained there, sitting silently in the darkness. No words were needed, as sometimes one doesn’t need to speak to be of help.

With those thoughts in mind, Kilí leaned into Bofur’s shoulder, subconsciously seeking comfort from the older dwarf. Maybe sharing her distress with someone else wouldn’t be such a burden as she had originally thought.


End file.
